One of the most unique features of all living things is the ability to reproduce after their own kind. It is a natural law of nature that plays a significant role in the continuous existence of life in all forms. Strictly talking about humans now, giving life to new babies requires more than getting pregnant and birthing that new creature. It is a tasking job that requires commitment, dedication, and sacrifice. The way and manners children will turn out depends on the level and qualities of training they get, especially in their formative years. Therefore, parenting a child that will be spiritually, physically, socially, and emotionally balanced requires lots of effort from parents and therefore the margin for error must be minimized.
WHAT IS PARENTING?
Parenting or child rearing is the act of supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. It is the overall care and support designed for the healthy and general well-being of a child in other for them to become a functional member of society. Parenting is not for the feeble mined, neither is it for the non-challant fellows. The level of peace, security, and prosperity a society will enjoy in the long run depends on the types of youths and adults that the home front produces and nurture. Unfortunately, parents commit a lot of errors which can have suicidal effects on the general well-being o society.
Please note that I am not implying that we cannot commit some errors in the way we parent our children, there are no perfect parents anywhere, What I am saying is that we must be deliberate and intentional in giving our children the best of training. We must constantly give ourselves to learning and improvements. We must be open-minded and be ready to change tactics when our parenting techniques require fine-tuning.
some errors I found parenting committing the most are discussed below;
1. NOT BEING POSITIVE ROLE MODELS ISN’T GOOD PARENTING
Our relationship with our spouses, our character, and our attitude to life are the first examples children see and know. A lot of parents are not mindful of this and are therefore bad examples to their children. This can be corrected by an intentional change of behaviors, explaining to your children your past errors, and the need for them to do away with wrong judgments. Our lifestyle must be what we will be proud to see in our children.
2. EXPOSURE TO SEXUAL AND OTHER FORMS OF ABUSE
Lack of enlightenment and carelessness several parents do not take child protection seriously. We entrust children to “wolves in sheep’s clothing “/predators and we do not take time to educate our children on abuse, thereby making them victims. Child protection is a responsibility parents must pay attention to.
3. RUINING CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM
No right-thinking parent deliberately destroys children’s self-esteem. However, in subtle and unconscious ways, we do this. Ways to ruin a child’s self-esteem
I. Disallowing self-expression: some parents feel children lack knowledge and must follow their instructions without thinking. This can have a permanent effect on them and cause them to lose many benefits in life. Children must be allowed to express themselves.
II.Yelling: Some parents do not know how to communicate without yelling. Our Authority as parents does not need to be asserted by shouting. We can be firm without shouting.
III.Not appreciating or commending children’s efforts but condemning their mistakes. This could be in the area of academics, character-building, or life skills We must encourage them by complimenting every improvement. By doing this, there will be no offense or negative effect on self-esteem whenever we need to point out their mistakes.
iv. Discouraging children’s talents, dreams, and aspirations: Some parents have “charted courses” for their children irrespective of the capacity, desire, and natural endowments of the children. Some want their children to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams BY ALL MEANS. This is unfair and puts undue pressure on children. We should advise and guide them in line with their capacity. That is how they can be motivated to excel.
V. Comparison: Many parents judge children’s academic performance, character, abilities, etc by stating the differences between them and siblings, classmates, or friends. This has far-reaching effects- well beyond low self-esteem to hatred, bitterness, sibling rivalry, and in some cases-suicide or murder.
4. INADEQUATE PREPARATION OF CHILDREN FOR THE FUTURE.
A lot of parents do not pay attention to preparing children adequately for life issues. There is a need to constantly brainstorm with them on real-life challenges, self-responsibility, attitude, and character building. We must also train them to be skillful. These will help them as life unfolds and enable us as parents to have rest in our latter years.
One major evidence of good Parenting is adequate preparation of children for the future through:
-Discussion on life challenges
– Building Virtues and character
-Relationships
-Skill acquisition
-Good citizenship etc.
In addition to education, we should encourage them to develop entrepreneurial skills in order to set up businesses based on their talents or interests. Parents must be willing to give all needed support- financial, material, physical, and emotional to equip children for success in their life endeavors.
5. DEPRIVING CHILDREN OF CHILDHOOD
This means preventing children from enjoying their growing years. Children must be allowed to play and express themselves as this helps them to be balanced adults. Deprivation has far-reaching effects like isolation, depression, low self-esteem, lack of vision, low resilience. Exposure is beneficial because it broadens horizons. Children should be monitored and guided, not deprived.
6. DISCOURAGING SELF EXPRESSION
Parents must not hinder children from expressing themselves. We should not encourage obedience without an understanding of the motive behind instructions or advice. Free self-expression allows proper guidance and direction.
7. LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Communication is the transfer of information in a clear, easy-to-understand way. It is not just handing out information but ensuring that the recipient gets the message by seeking feedback. Effective communication eliminates confusion. Parents need to communicate effectively to help children’s understanding and adherence to instructions.
8. BAD LISTENING ISN’T A NICE PARENTING HABIT
Several parents are bad Listeners. They are only good at reeling out instructions but not at giving a fair hearing to children. Even when they give children the opportunity to express themselves, they do not listen wholeheartedly. Listening to children is helpful in guiding them on the right path as it reveals their level of knowledge and areas where they need support. Parents need to be calm and be attentive to children.
9. EMPTY THREATS AND INCONSISTENCIES
Several parents lay down consequences for wrong actions but never carry them out. Some are inconsistent by punishing a particular offense once and ignoring it the next time. It is better to just keep correcting patiently than to issue empty threats. We must follow through on stated consequences. Note, however, that punishment must be mild and not necessarily physical. The deprivation that is harmless to health and well-being is an option. For example, missing weekend ice cream or a favorite TV Programme will drive home the intended lesson. Consequences for wrong deeds must be discussed and understood by children before parents can refer to or act on them and they must be consistent until result is achieved.
10. NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE ALL-ROUND DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN
Our goal as parents should be to raise TOTAL children. This refers to children that are balanced spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially & psychologically. A lot of parents pay attention to the physical, mental & social developments of their children and neglect their spiritual, emotional, and psychological well-being which are equally important factors in raising excellent children. Successful Parenting is measured by all these parameters so they must all be given adequate attention.
11. CARELESSNESS THAT RESULTS IN CHILDREN’S SUICIDE.
The rate of suicide among children worldwide is alarming! Children and wards taking their lives right under parents’ and guardians’ noses. How and Why? Lack of attention/ Neglect. Whatever can affect children’s self-esteem must be avoided. It is one of our parenting duties. We must also cultivate Friendship with them so that they can open up to us on their struggles. Children are already under pressure outside the home. We must not add to the pressure or be unavailable. We must intentionally keep an eye on them and provide shoulders for them to lean or cry on. Let us be awake and alive to our responsibilities.
12. FORCING CHILDREN INTO BECOMING WHAT THEY DO NOT WANT TO
Another reprehensible action observed in parents is forcing children to be what they wished to be but could not achieve, especially in the area of career/profession. It is unfair to force children into what they are not cut out for. Their talents, capabilities and life vision should guide their career path, not parents’ unfulfilled dreams.
14. NOT UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS’ STRUGGLES
Parents must be aware of children’s challenges, especially Teenagers, who always have issues they are grappling with from time to time. We must show understanding and patiently help them to overcome the issues. One of the challenges teenagers are confronted with is the issue of CRUSH- which is a romantic feeling that comes naturally to children at puberty. They just get attracted to a particular classmate, schoolmate, neighbor, or family friend.
It is important for parents to prepare them for this occurrence by letting them know it is normal but MUST be controlled as THERE IS TIME FOR EVERYTHING. There are cases of couples who had a crush on each other while they were young but did not go into a relationship, met again in Adulthood, and ended up marrying each other. If they are meant for each other, they will reconnect at the appropriate time. A crush might not last long and could go from one person to another. This is why SELF CONTROL is vital. However, children will not know this unless they are well prepared for it.
14. DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS IN A WRONG WAY
Parents must be careful how they handle children when unexpected or disappointing situations occur. Mistakes that lead to Teenage pregnancy, academic failure, rape, career failure for youths etc might occur. This is not the time to be their enemy but a time to be there for them to comfort, encourage and reassure them that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Our disappointment should be expressed with love and patience. It should be clear that our love for them is unconditional. Disappointment is painful but we must rise above the pain and support the victim as our reaction and attitude will determine the child’s healing and ability to move on in life.
15. NOT DISCUSSING SEX WITH CHILDREN
Discuss sex so that they will not seek knowledge in the wrong place. Once they are Toddlers, teach them about body parts. Emphasize private body parts. Mention the parts’ REAL names. Let them know that NOBODY has a right to those parts. Children must be aware of Sex and the RIGHT TIME for it- Sex is ONLY for couples- NOT for children, NOT for single Adults, NOT for intending couples. ONLY THOSE ALREADY MARRIED. Teach them ALL THESE before they are MISLED.
Hello.